Anonymous asked: I need to go to a wedding in a month and my mother won't let me wear anything except a dress. Dresses make me feel very uncomfortable to the point where I'm in tears. They are all just too feminine but I know I probably should wear a dress to this, so I will. Do you have any ideas of anything more adrogynous or something I'd be more comfortable in for this wedding? Thanks. And btw this blog is my favourite right now.
Missy says: So, I’ll be honest with you. When people who are uncomfortable wearing dresses are forced to wear dresses to weddings, it either fills me with rage or tears… depending on what day it is. I have very strong feelings about it. And I’m someone who wears dresses. I’m wearing one right now, in fact (the polka dot H&M one). As someone who wears dresses, I feel very strongly about your right to not wear a dress and I think it is rude for people to expect people who feel uncomfortable wearing dresses to wear one to a wedding. I imagine there’s a lot you and your mom need to work out in this department. If you live at home right now and are financially dependent on your parents (which is totes fine) you will have to navigate this situation safely and keep your sanity. If right now is not a good time for you to explain how this makes you feel and if she’s not going to hear you or understand, there are some other options.
A lot of time what is going on when parents are forcing certain kinds of clothing or gender expression on their kids is that parents are in denial of their child’s sexual orientation or gender identity or not ready to accept what that might mean. If this is happening, you don’t have to go through this alone. Bring a queer friendly therapist (you can ask a therapist if they have experience working with queer youth or search online. Ask your mom to go to a PFLAG meeting. I know this wedding is a month a way, and miracles probably aren’t going to happen by then, but these could be steps towards your mom understanding how you feel. So often, parents need time to grieve the loss of their ideas of what their children would be like. In the meantime, you need to feel as comfortable as possible.
If she won’t work with you on a pantsuit (lots of people wear pantsuits to weddings!) perhaps you can make a compromise with your mom: you wear a dress for the ceremony and dinner, but as soon as the dancing starts you put on a pair of dress pants. Hey, girls put on flip flops when it’s time to dance sometimes at weddings so they can really get down. A pair of dress pants is certainly more formal than flip flops. If anyone asks why you changed, you can tell them that dancing is way easier in dress pants! As for what you can wear in the dress department — maybe trying out a skirt/dress shirt combo — that would certainly make the dress pants switch easy later on.
Sonia says: You can also check out the formal wear tag for inspiration, and maybe even to show your mom some really awesome alternatives!
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- labexperiment said: If it’s possible and in your comfort zone, you could wear a pair of boxers or guy-briefs under the dress to make it a bit more bearable and feel secretly rebelious and powerful!
- namelessw0nder said: Oh you already said that, I should finish reading first :)
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- thehandsomecabinboy said: Maybe you could try wearing a kilt with a button up shirt and a blazer? I hate wearing dresses too, but kilts don’t make me feel as uncomfortable.
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