Anonymous asked: I recently came out of the closet. For years I tried being more girly because thats what everyone was expecting from me but I was never comfortable that way. Now that I’m out and I’m dating a wonderful girl I want to push away all the girlyness I have. I’m not sure how I can do that without winning the lottery and buying a whole new wardrobe. Any advice?

I was once in a very similar spot. A few months into my new-found identity, I did some cleansing and removed every item from my closet that I knew I’d never wear again (goodbye, Bat Mitzvah dress!) I was left with about 5 items of clothing and 2 huge bags to give away. I gave many things to my femme friends, and still need to donate the rest. 

There are probably masculine presenting people and transfeminine folks in your area who would want to get rid of old clothes that might fit you! If you are new to the community and interested in making some new friendsicles, you can look for a queer listserve in your city (in Boston it’s The List) and put out a notice that you’re looking to do a clothing swap!

You obviously can’t get a whole new wardrobe in one day, but you can start off with some basics. Like, a pair of multi-purpose pants that you feel absolutely spectacular in and can wear 4 times a week.

Basic khakis like these can be worn both at work with a button-up and blazer, or at home with a T-shirt. Gap Lived In Slim Khaki, $59.95 (25% off with code GAP25)

Go to your local thrift stores and just try everything on (We’ve got some expert thrifter advice coming later this month!) I highly recommend buying your mens or boys’ button-ups at thrift stores and getting them tailored if necessary. Find ones that fit in the shoulders, chest, and sleeves, and then adjust the length and width at a tailor (making it clear that you want it to remain a men’s shirt.) I know it seems like a lot of work to put into a thrifted shirt; but I swear it’s the best way to get a well-fitted shirt for cheap!

One pair of oxfords should keep you afloat for now in terms of nicer footwear! You may get lucky and find some vintage men’s shoes in a thrift store that fit you. Otherwise, something these Madden Girl Women Jacobz Oxfords at Amazon for $31.77 would go well with those Khakis. 

Put together at least one casual outfit and one outfit that is more formal. Accessories will go far when you’re trying to stretch your wardrobe. A few pairs of ties in different styles can change the look of the same outfit. Play with tucking in, untucking, and top button-swag, to give your limited apparel a different look.

Congrats on your newly discovered identity, and have fun!

- Sonia

Anonymous asked: hey Qwear! My girlfriend is definitely masculine-of-center/ generqueer, 37 (though doesn’t “look it,” whatever that means), and is definitely NOT skinny (she’s working with a gorgeous big ass for one thing). She’s a total babe and wants to look more stylie, but a lot of the looks on here involve stuff like skinny jeans and a “straight up and down” aesthetic that simply isn’t possible w/ her body. Can you please advise? Accessories and basics? Pref on the cute casual tip vs. dressy/ dandy.

Blake says: I say embrace your curves (I mean you tell your girlfriend). When I wear clothes that are straight up and down on another person, they are obviously not straight up and down on me. However, regardless of shape, I feel as if I still look put together and stylish. See me in my latest number. I say all this just to make a point that you (not you, but your girlfriend, or also you I guess) can wear whatever the hell you want regardless of size or shape. But moving on, here is some inspiration:

1. Pants

These straight leg jeans “with Right Fit Technology” are a great alternative to skinny jeans. (available at Lane Bryant for $29.97) They’re not too hip hugging but they also provide a figure flattering shape. In addition, they can be dressed up or down. These Old Navy jeans are also good. 

2. Hoodies and Sweatshirts
For casual wear I like to throw on a “non-sweatshirt hoodie.” Hoodies are a great way to vary your look from the usual collared shirt. Below is an example.



I also love a good varsity jacket. You can pick them up at H&M, Forever 21, Dr. Jays, and ASOS

(source: blog.markafoni.com)

3. Tops

Try a baseball tee or a Henley for casual tops.



Men’s Classic Baseball Tee, available at Old Navy for $14.94

3. Accessories
I generally don’t wear accessories outside of ties and bracelets, so I’ll give you some inspiration on that front.



Bracelet Set, available at American Eagle Outfitters for $9.50

The trick to ties is knowing how to dress them up or down. To reduce the formality of ties, wear them with just a cardigan or sweater, or on their own. Also, swap out a silk/shiny tie for a cloth tie for a more casual look. 


(source: theflyingfeathers.tumblr.com)


(source: i-dream-of-dapper.tumblr.com)

I get my ties from goodwill now. Any thrift store will probably be more cost efficient than a department store. 

Shopping for well-priced work clothes in plus sizes can be hard. No fear! I have some staple pieces that will keep your budget in check while also giving you a professional look. Here are some items to give your wardrobe a professional boost with inspiration for people of all shapes.

1. Can I say cardigans more than once????
Cardigans are a wonderful way to class up any outfit while providing comfort and an element of androgyny (men’s and women’s cardigans are virtually identical.) In addition, they cross over well from day/work wear to nightlife wear. I suggest buying a cardigan in gray, blue, black, and a statement color. I bought most of my cardigans from a Tommy Hilfiger outlet mall in Williamsburg, VA. However, if you don’t live near an out mall, I also like the cardigans over at Old Navy for the price point. 


(source: gentleman-forever.tumblr.com)

2. Vests!
I currently have two vests that I go to whenever I am trying to look more put together and professional. Vests are a great multi-purpose form of clothing. You can pretty much wear then with anything! Goodwill or a comparable thrift store usually has some great options in all sizes.

(source: covermenmag.com)

3. Collared Shirts
Just like cardigans and vests, collared shirts have crossover appeal. If you have trouble finding one that fits you, keep looking! They come in all cuts, sizes, colors, and patterns! You can survive off of owning 5 to 7 shirts — one white, another light blue, and 3 to 5 of your choice. Get some with button-down collars, and some without so that you have a range of of casual and fancy (button-down = casual.) The combinations of cardigans, vests, and collared shirts are endlesssssssss. I recommend Saddlebred collared shirts and Ralph Lauren for plus sizes; they fit me well. Just shop around for what fits you best. 

(source: maxxanch.tumblr.com)

4. Blazers
I have had GREAT luck at Goodwill. However, thrift shops are a mixed bag. Lane Bryant has some really nice blazers. The arms fit well enough that I can bend them and the body of the blazer fits perfectly to my curves. I suggest that you look out for a sale; Lane Bryant can be pricey (I went during a sale and got two blazers for $90, not bad). A blazer should fall below the waistline but not go past your bum. The sleeves should be in between the knuckle and the wrist. 

Herringbone jacket, available at Lane Bryant for $89.95

5. Pants 
Buy pants cheap and get them tailored. I would shoot for khakis and a light weight dress material. Try to stay away from the Poly and Ester twins. I find that slim leg pants are the most flattering look for any size. Have your tailor adjust your pants leg to about 9.5 inches to create the look (trust the tailor with the number of inches). I buy pants from all over, mainly Tommy Hilfiger on extremeeeee markdown and Old Navy during the holiday deal season. See my post about tailoring pants for more info.

Look for pants with these cuts:


(source: panizsehatniaki.blogspot.com) Pants from Zara


Pants from Tommy Hilfiger (source: he99.blogspot.com)

6. Shoes!
Shoes can make or break an outfit. No holes, no tears, not too broken in for the office. Out of all of the above basics, I recommend that you spend the most money on good quality shoes. I like Clarks desert boots and Bass Weejuns for the office.

Desert Boots. Pick yours up at Topman, FarFetch, The Tannery, Infinity Shoes, or basically anywhere. (source: four-thirdsgentleman.tumblr.com)


Bass Weejuns (womens) available at Bass

Related Posts: Androgenizing With Ralph Lauren, Diminishing Curves With Menswear

Theheartyousingto asked: Hiya. I wore a uniform in school and now wear a uniform at work and have suddenly found myself in my early twenties without a real sense of personal style or rad clothes to wear! Any advice for some necessary basics or tips for getting started on a new wardrobe? I’d call myself a dapper femme, if that’s a thing :) Thanks for any help!

This High Tied Top will go with pretty much anything and can be dressed up or down with jeans and skirts. Available at Modcloth for $29.99 (2 left! Grab now)

Blazers also go with everything. Structured Blazer, available at Topshop for $130

Yijie Laced Shoes, on sale at YOOX for $128

Here’s a complete list of everything I think a dapper femme should have in their closet:

• At least 2 dresses, one playful, one fancy
• Several skirts for easy mixing and matching. American Apparel and ASOS have great simple skirts!
• Cute tops that can be dressed up for down. H&M, American Apparel, and Modcloth are perfect for this.
• Several T-shirts: Scoop necks and V necks
• Sweaters and cardigans
• A Blazer. Try Topshop or H&M
• Chinos
• Belts: Brown and Black
• A Pair of Jeans
• Shoes: Black, Brown, Street Shoes, Flats, strappy sandals
• A few button-ups. Try the Gap or H&M