Last Tuesday night, March 26th, at 8pm CST, dapperQ contributor Joelle Zigman and I did a special one-off edition of the KVRX (student-run radio from the University of Texas at Austin) advice talk show, Tell it to a Girl, called Tell it to a Butch. We answer questions about engagement rings, what to wear to prom, coming out to your mother, and how to do animal prints right. Conclusion? Butches make everrrrything better. Disclaimer: every time I pause it’s because I’m looking for an alternative word to “faggy.” Thanks so much for having me, Joelle! 

Additionally, our Three Leaves Menswear videoshoot last Sunday in Brooklyn went really well! Here are some behind-the-scenes photo with me, our tailoring consultant The Handsome Butch, and Katrina Casiño (Autostraddle writer). Many thanks to dapperQ for setting it up! My favorite part of the day was tripping and falling into THB’s arms. (Wait, day? My favorite part of this whole week.) 

This is my “I’m not completely dying of joy being next to you right now,” pose.

I have some more updates coming your way soon, so stay tuned!

Yours,

Sonia Pretend-Butch Oram

Anonymous asked: I bought two pairs of jeans, a straight fit and a boyfriend fit. I've been wondering about different ways to wear both pairs. I've looked online for some inspiration but a lot of sites have said to feminize your other accessories. I identify as more butch/ androgynous, do you have any tips of what to wear with these jeans? I've never worn boyfriend jeans before, and don't want to look too slouchy, just well put together.

A.D. says: JEANS ARE, LIKE, THE PEANUT BUTTER OF CLOTHES; THEY GO WITH ANYTHING.
except bathing suits.
and even then you can wear denim jorts. I love summer and legs. Allllright, I’m done.

Real talk: I know what you mean; all the websites say accessorize with a neon pink cardigan with gold buttons, but I say, butch up a pair of jeans! Wear a collared shirt with a tie or bow tie or sweater or vest. If it’s cold, heck, throw on a leather jacket or blazer. If your wrists feel cold, grab a leather band (or fake leather band, because animals are our friends and killing them for an accessory is really silly).

With jeans, shoes define the outfit; a nice pair of dress shoes says, “Look, I’m a grown-ass adult.” A falling-apart pair of Converses say, “I’m not an adult, okay?! I just want to wear sneakers.” So, if you want to look well-put together, I suggest wearing a collared shirt with a sweater, with (somewhat, doesn’t have to be exact) matching belt and shoes. It’s easy and comfortable, and definitely not feminized.

For more visual inspiration, here are some non-feminine jean wearing submissions (warning: Hot Queers): Ashley + Tie Achieved, Blake’s Thrifting Success, Mainstream Street Smart, Men’s Vest Trick, What Suede Says

By Guest Blogger Viv Taylor

When I first moved to Boston, I could not find anyone who cut my hair how I liked it. I’m a trans woman. I’m pretty darn queer and identify as a lesbian, given a fairly fluid definition of the term. Before I moved away from Chapel Hill I got my hair cut at a place called Syd’s. It was everything. I’d been depending on my stylist there for a while to navigate that fun place where I was growing my hair out and being open with many folks in my life about being trans, but was not yet living full time in a femme presentation. My stylist was amazing. She did a great job of helping me through a series of looks that were both deeply androgynious, but ultimately queer looking.

When I arrived in Boston I thought I was doing everything right. I got suggestions from my friends, described what I wanted, went where I thought I felt a good energy, but again and again the same thing happened: a hair cut that reminded me more than anything else of a middle aged lady with Right Wing politics on the way to a PTA meeting to complain because she found a swear word in book assigned to her son in his AP English class. It was rough. It wasn’t just that the cuts were unadventurous; it was that they just weren’t me.

It took me a while, but I think I eventually figured out what was going on. The folks who were cutting my hair were doing their best to look out for me. As a butch trans woman, I don’t always get gendered correctly. What I suspect was going on was that I was, consciously or unconsciously, being given the most recognizable “woman” haircut these folks could think of.

There’s often pressure on trans women to present in a very conservative, femme manner, especially if folks are worried about you not being recognizable as a woman. Thing is, you don’t have to present that way. You can play with your look any way you want. If it works, cool, and if not, hey, maybe you learned something.

With getting you hair cut, it might take some work. You need to find someone who you can share a vision with. Even if you don’t know exactly what kind of cut you want, you probably have some clues about what you’re hoping to achieve. Find a person you can talk to about what you are trying to do with your look, a person you feel comfortable asking questions about what they imagine and what they’re planning, and a person who you feel comfortable being totally honest with. A friend of mine had the problem where she could never get her stylist to cut her hair as short as she wanted until she finally had to come out to him.

I actually met my current stylist Nadene Hughs of Shop1 at a bar in Cambridge. I was immidiately impressed by her style, friendliness, and intelligence. I made an appointment to get a cut. We talked about what I was going for (a long but obviously dykey cut) and what I was afraid of (Middle aged Ring Wing Politics hair). The results were awesome. The cut is heavily layered so that it has some length but is also a little spikey and choppy. I can wear softer or tougher depending on whether I straightened it or let it dry on its own. That versatility is key exploring any number of styles.

Looking for a trans friendly hair stylist in your city? The forum can help!

Anonymous asked: Ahhh, I feel like I'm late to the coolest party ever! Just found your blog and absolutely LOVE IT :D Annnyways, I have a question. I'm just starting to find my style and am having some difficulties with it. I'm kinda between "butch" and "femme" and I don't know how to balance the two yet (idk how to phrase that :P). But, yeah, any suggestions would be awesome! Thanks!!

Forget labels for now, because I think they are tripping you up. It’s great that you have a sense who you are, but I find that breaking it down into specifics is a lot easier than trying to adhere to a label. “These jeans make my ass look curvier than I want… This blazer’s shoulders are too broad and make me look more masculine than I feel comfortable… These wedges make me feel like a queer boi in drag.” How often can we really know who we are? There may not be any words to explain your identity. The only thing you can really be specific about is what things feel right, and what don’t. So just try lots of things on and follow your instincts. If your style is anywhere near as awesome as your creative compliments, (thank you!!) I’m sure you’ll look fantastic.

Anonymous asked: Long hair and androgynous/men's clothing- can it be done? I have just-below-shoulder length wavy brown hair that I don't like to fiddle with much, so it's either down in its natural state or up in a pony tail with a thick headband holding back my bangs. I sort of want a hair cut, but I don't want to look super butch, but I want to wear guys clothes... So, does longer hair work well with "men's" clothing? Or, what shortish cuts still look femme (besides the Tinkerbell pixie cut)?

Cut it cut it cut it! You know you want to! There are plenty of ways to wear guy’s clothes with short hair and not look super butch. I think a lot of what says “butch” is about the attitude. I wear guy’s clothes and I have short hair, and I do not identify as butch in the least. I don’t think people read me that way either, and I think if they did it would be because they weren’t seeing all the nuances of gender.

Yes, longer hair works well with men’s clothing. I mean, look at A.D. However you feel most like yourself works the best!!

Check out this post about what makes short haircuts femmy vs. boyish.

And there are lots of men’s clothes that aren’t totally masculine. You can avoid shirts that broaden your shoulders, or wear pants that aren’t baggy. 

Basically just trust your instincts and do you. Don’t worry. Be queer.