Anonymous asked: I am fourteen. I am a lesbian. A lot of people believe that I can't be positive I am a lesbian at fourteen. When, actually, I have know since I was 10. I want to dress androgynous, but also I want to wear dresses occasionally? I am terrified to confront my mom about it. All of my family knows, but I am still scared to admit how I want to dress. Can I dress both ways? I am really impatient so if you have time please reply soon I know you are really busy I just, freak out. Thanks.

A.D. says: You can do whatever you want, including wearing dresses and dressing androgynously. Do not let anyone make you feel like you have to choose one way of dressing or being over another. Do not let anyone make you feel less because you are a lesbian, or because you want to wear dresses and ties and leather jackets and ties and make-up. YOU DO YOU. (Thanks, Autostraddle for the best slogan ever.)

I’m not saying that if “you do you” life will be easier. In fact, life will be challenging in ways that gender conforming folks don’t have to deal with. But it will be honest. You will discover your strength and your phenomenal self and I think that’s incredibly rewarding.

(Just look at A.D. I’m really glad they exist in all their hotness and gender non-conforming celebration. — Sonia)

These people are helpful and friendly!
Everyone is Gay: (you probably already read them… but just in case! Amazingness!)
http://everyoneisgay.com/resources.html Click your city!
PLAG: (This is a group that your family could go to if they want to learn more about your identity and how to support you. Or if they just want to meet other families of queers.)
It Gets Better: (kids make videos about their experiences. You could make one too!)
GLBT National Youth Talkline, 1-800-246-PRIDE Mon-Fri 8pm - midnight EST, 5pm - 9pm PST (in case ya need to talk)

Related posts: Qweary about dressing across the gender spectrum

Anonymous asked: I need to go to a wedding in a month and my mother won't let me wear anything except a dress. Dresses make me feel very uncomfortable to the point where I'm in tears. They are all just too feminine but I know I probably should wear a dress to this, so I will. Do you have any ideas of anything more adrogynous or something I'd be more comfortable in for this wedding? Thanks. And btw this blog is my favourite right now.

Missy says: So, I’ll be honest with you. When people who are uncomfortable wearing dresses are forced to wear dresses to weddings, it either fills me with rage or tears… depending on what day it is. I have very strong feelings about it. And I’m someone who wears dresses. I’m wearing one right now, in fact (the polka dot H&M one). As someone who wears dresses, I feel very strongly about your right to not wear a dress and I think it is rude for people to expect people who feel uncomfortable wearing dresses to wear one to a wedding. I imagine there’s a lot you and your mom need to work out in this department. If you live at home right now and are financially dependent on your parents (which is totes fine) you will have to navigate this situation safely and keep your sanity. If right now is not a good time for you to explain how this makes you feel and if she’s not going to hear you or understand, there are some other options. 

Anonymous asked: Hey I just came out to my parents, and you helped me do it. This blog has given me so much confidence and so much stability in who I am as a person, that I was able to pin point who I am, and tell my family. I know that it seems impossible that a fashion blog did all that, and it's true, I did follow other blogs along the way, but this blog got me started. Baby dyke says thanks and I <3 you!

This seriously made my day. Thanks so much and congratulations!

Anonymous asked: Hey! I want to cut my hair really short but I'm not sure how to go about this. How do I break it to my family that I don't want to wear skirts and have long hair anymore? Also, how do I know short hair will look good on me? Any suggestions of a good place to get your hair cut in the seattle, WA area?

Short hair will definitely look good on you! It looks good on everyone. Kind of like bow ties. Good queer haircut places in Seattle anyone?

You can start by just explaining to your family how you feel. “I’ve realized that when I’m in a skirt I feel like I’m playing a role in a play that isn’t me” or “When I’m walking down the street and I see my reflection the mirror, I realize that I’m disappointed to see long hair and a feminine appearance.” Through dialogue and them getting to see you grow into yourself with the presentation that feels right, hopefully it will come to make sense to them if it doesn’t right away! 

Anonymous asked: I'm genderqueer and dress pretty androgynously and dapperly, however this is a new discovery. I left highschool dressing pretty feminine and came back home to my family dressing androgynously/masculinely. So this is kind of new to my family. My sister's college graduation is coming up. Suggestions on what to wear?

Congrats on this new discovery! Sounds like you’ve had a lot of growth in the past year and I hope you will continue to find supportive communities during this journey of exploration. It takes a lot of courage going to the first formal event with your family where you’re not going to dress according to the gender binary, so take pride in dressing like yourself! I hope that if they aren’t there yet, your family will come to accept and celebrate your new identity with you. (Regardless, I’m sure there will be at least one other queer there who will be happy to see you ;)) 

You might find these questions helpful:

• “it’s my school prom coming up and i’m having a bit of a problem…”
• “My friend’s wedding is coming up soon & I’m expected to be in a dress with the rest of the bridesmaids…”

Check out the formal wear tag for graduation attire inspiration… and don’t forget to snap a picture for us!

Anonymous asked: it's my school prom coming up and i'm having a bit of a problem. i've never really had to dress smart since i 'came out' and started dressing more masculine but i think i'd like to go to prom in a suit, because i think i'd feel more comfortable. but if i do go in a suit and not a dress i think my mum might cry or kill me, she seems quite insistent on me wearing a dress. i haven't mentioned to her a suit and i'm not sure what to do, help!!!!