While scoping out wedding pics for my Pinterest board, I was reminded of how many couples still put their bridal party in the same dress. So woooahhh let’s cut that out, kay? Seriously, knock it off. Your friends will thank you for it.

(source: southboundbride.com/mismatched-groomsmen)

But having all my bridesmaids in the same dress looks supes cute, right??

Okay, maybe if they are actually clones. Otherwise, the practice is exclusionary of any gender identity that lies outside the male/female binary. Even if none of the people in your party are gender non-conforming, it sends a message that your other gender nonconforming friends wouldn’t be welcome in your wedding party. The practice is very alienating to the queer community. Even if NO ONE at your wedding is queer (which, I doubt) it’s still encouraging the idea that gender is only male/female. 

Having people wear different outfits isn’t just beneficial to those who are gender nonconforming. It helps people of different body types, taste, budgets, and preferences for their attire. It’s allowing your friends and family to rejoice with you in the way they feel most comfortable. It’s celebrating the beautiful differences among us, rather than trying to force people into boxes to fit your idea of the “perfect” wedding. 

(source: bellethemagazine.com)

You love your friends because they are all beautifully unique, not because they can all fit into the same dress!

But this is my day! Can’t my friends be uncomfortable for one day to make me happy?

Not really. Asking your best friend to make a toast even though he’s nervous about public speaking, or your busy sister to help with the flower arrangements is one thing. Asking them to wear an outfit that goes against their core sense of self or makes them extremely uncomfortable is another.

(source: flickr.com)

But if they’re not wearing the same outfit, how are they going to match?

OMGGGG you’re so right!! The whole thing is going to be a mess. But wait! There are other ways to make a bunch of outfits look good together. If One Direction can do it, so can you. Choose a color scheme and/or style, and have people dress accordingly. Here is a great article about Mismatched Bridesmaids.

(source: bellethemagazine.com)

Okay, but what will my grandmother say?

It can be hard to go to a wedding that’s different from the one you’d been dreaming of for 80 years (or at least, I would imagine so.) Just sit Grandma down, and tell her that you love all your friends, and want to celebrate their differences rather than force them into a potentially uncomfortable situation.  If she’s still upset, tell her that it will make you and your boo the most happy. And she’ll probably want that for you. 

Plus, mismatched wedding parties are so in, right now! It’s like, THE NEWEST TREND to be respectful of your friends’ individuality and identities. Isn’t that awesome??

xoxo,

Sonia

Anonymous asked: Any tips for matching coloured shoes with outfits? I have a pair of blue heels that I love but rarely wear because I don’t know how to match them with my outfit unless my shirt/pants are blue. And now I’m eyeing a pair of blue brogues but hesitate to buy them for the same reason. Also, inspired by your website I bought a pair of red pants and a similar bluish-green pair, and I love them! But I don’t know what tops to wear them with apart from black T-shirts

I’ve been super into unlikely color combinations, myself. Color is strange. Like all shades of blues look good together. Hell, blue goes with everything. But mix two oranges and it can look horrible. Sometimes you just have to hold things up against each other and see if it looks good.

Texture is really important to keep in mind. The texture of blue jeans go with EVERYTHING, whereas blue chinos of the exact same color doesn’t. Crazy, huh? And like, brown pants with a black shirt in the same material is a horrendous combination, whereas brown boots and black leggings looks totally baller. Another example: you can die your hair red and wear an orange dress, but put that same red on a sweater with the same dress and people will cry.

Here are some words that might be helpful when starting to think about color:

Neutrals: Color that does not attract attention, like beige, ivory, taupe, black, gray, and white. However, almost all neutrals have an undertone of other colors. Unless they are completely gray with nothing else mixed in. Here are some dark neutrals:

You can see how some are greenish, others purplish.

The easiest way to avoid clashing, is, like you said, to repeat one bright color against an otherwise neutral outfit:

(from: tessetnils.canalblog.com)

You can also use neutrals to offset several bright colors. This preppilicious ensemble combines bright green, blue, and red:

(from scullandoars.tumblr.com)

(from: featherandoar.com)

This is genius: the blazer and tie are neutrals with the sweater’s maroon mixed in. Perfect example of how you can use the undertones in your neutrals to compliment the bright(er) colors.

Complimentary colors: Hues that are opposite from eachother on the color wheel. Purple and yellow can be pretty fun:

(from: diyfatshion.com)

Blue and orange are an excellent choice:

(from menswearstyle.co.uk)

Red and green, however, can be tricky. Because, Christmas. And, just ew. But if it’s an olive green like this that doesn’t scream Christmas, it can look fantastic: 

(from: usgirl.info)

But then, olive/army green is close to being a neutral. That coat would go with anything.

Shades: The same color, just darker or lighter. Check out this genius ensemble. Three different shades of teal. Who would have expected that??

(from waynetippetts.com)

Pastels: Pale and delicate. Most commonly worn in spring. Just think Easter.

(from filippocirulli.tumblr.com)

Jewel Tones: Highly staturated, rich colors, that resemble well-known gemstones. AKA emeralds, amethysts, rubies, topaz and sapphires

YUMMMM (from: aopevents.wordpress.com)

(from: theberry.com)

Jewel tones are notoriuos for looking amazing with brown. Which is why Missy wound up with an entire teal wardrobe (be careful.)

Primaries: Red, Yellow, Blue. The colors with which every other color is made. Think legos, Ashley Yielding.

(from dapperq.com)

Analogous colors: Colors close together on the color wheel that share similar hue and saturation. When placed together, they look very harmonious. No one does it better than Dustin in his oceanic blue and green combo:

(from: closetfreaksblog.com)

Monocromatic: Colors that are the same thoughout. According to Macy’s, it’s in this season. But be careful of overmatching. Sometimes matching too much can look calculated. Unless you’re this dude:

(from: contemporaryartdaily.com Claus Rasmussen at Neue Alte Brücke)

People might try to impose rules on you, but in the end you have to just use your eyes and intuition. The more you think and observe color in the world around you, the better your eyes will become at figuring out what looks good together. Have fun!!

- Sonia

Follow Qwear: FACEBOOK | TWITTER | BLOGLOVIN | PINTEREST

A Bicycle Built For Two is one of my new of my new favorite sources for queer formal wear inspiration! A beautiful display of carefully picked lesbian and queer wedding photos. I was scrolling the other day and found this dashing couple, AnnMarie & Anne:

Obvi I had to get in touch with them and ask them about their outfits.

AnnMarie (suit, bow tie) told me, “I knew what I wanted to look like on my wedding day from the time I was little. I am obsessed with English styled suiting from the mid century. I am also equally obsessed with classic menswear. I wanted my look to be dapper and polished and really show my personality. I was born a 67 year old man and I really wanted that to show through.” She wound up with this amazing vintage, bespoke suit made in 1967, from the Etsy shop, Brightwall, and then she got it tailored. 

Anne told me that she prefers simple dresses, and had surprising luck at David’s Bridal! ”I wanted a dress, but I hate shiny fabric, beads, sparkles… Basically most wedding gowns. They just aren’t me. I wanted simple and clean. I found a lot of beautiful vintage dresses that were all too teeny tiny, so against my instincts, we checked out David’s Bridal. And we found the dress! It’s shantung, which is more matte, and structured (learn something new every day). And it has pockets!! Overall I wanted to feel like myself, and for me that means simple and classic, but with fun details.”

AnnMarie:
Suit: Etsy shop, Brightwall + tailoring
Tie and Pocket Square: Custom made through Etsy shop Divinedomestication.
Vest, Suspenders and Socks: Men’s Wearhouse + tailoring
Shirt: Blank Label
Shoes: Calvin Klein Men’s Felix Oxford, bought on Amazon. 
Hat: Sugarcube in Philly

Anne:
Dress: David’s Bridal
Shoes: Etsy shop, Walkinonair
Hair comb: Anastasia’s Antiques in Philadelphia
Pearls: AnnMarie’s grandmother’s
Watch: Anne’s grandmother’s

(Photography by Philadelphia Wedding Photographer, Mike Allebach of Allebach Photography)

Follow Qwear: FACEBOOK | TWITTER | BLOGLOVIN | PINTEREST

My friend Elizabeth posed the “collar inside or outside of the sweater” question here recently, and since then I’ve found the variety of opinions on the subject quite astonishing. Some people think you should ALWAYS tuck your collar in. Others think you’d be dumb to hide it. I certainly love wearing it out when I’m in one of my brightly colored polos. Otherwise, I usually prefer to tuck it in these days; though I still dig the untucked look on the younger me. (This feels like sooo long ago!)

Here are more thoughts from A.D., Fit For a Femme, The Tie Guy, and Anthony from Closet Freaks.

INSIDE (from trashness.com)

A.D. says it’s all about the size and shape of the collar: “If the shirt has a relatively small collar, the neck is fitted, and the size of the sweater is fitted, then wearing it out is totally fine. If you’re wearing a button-down collar, wearing it in is necessarily required.” 

Well, I guess this guy failed:

OUTSIDE (This picture has been circulated so much and I can’t find the source. If it’s yours, tell me!)

Should you try it at home? If you think you can handle it. 

Fit For a Femme prefers the untucked look for both her tomboy and herself. She says, “I swear to God if I left my collar hidden under the neck of a sweater I’d feel as sheepish as if I’d tucked my silk blouse into my underpants.”

OUTSIDE for the tomboy (from fitforafemme.com)

FFAF also reminded me of the wonderful world of detachable collars. She says, “The flamboyant layered collar has taken the femme, girly girl world by storm the past few seasons, and I truly believe the revolution began when Eleven Objects (awesome gals) started making detachable collars; really luxe, beautiful, kind of punk glam things you could and should wear with anything, which made collars of all kinds — detached or otherwise — super hip again. It shows no signs of going away anytime soon.”

I got M to sneak a pic of FFAF modeling a fabulous collar; this one the Blushing Pearl Peter Pan collar from JewelMint:

OUTSIDE for the femme. In case you were lusting after it, her sweater is from the Everlane Cashmere Collection.

On the other side of the spectrum, The Tie Guy is adamantly against untucked collars. He recently agreed with one of his readers that wearing the collar outside is dorky, said that you should “LEAVE IT IN!” and concluded “cheers to people who understand how to look good!” Of course, The Tie Guy was talking to an audience of primarily male identified people with a fairly straight-laced style aesthetic.

But what about this fashion model, Terron Wood, looking totally fly with the collar not only untucked, but popped out??

OUTSIDE (from forums.thefashionspot.com)

To The Tie Guy’s credit, if I caught someone else looking like this, I might think it was a result of them forgetting to look in the mirror before they left the house. But that’s all part of the fun when you break rules.

INSIDE

Anthony from Closet Freaks took a similar approach to A.D., saying, “I’m always a fan of top-button buttoned, collar tucked in. Sort of a geek chic approach. There are always exceptions though, and I guess it depends on your mood and the individual collar. A blue chambray with the collar half popped for casual look works. If it’s a spread collar, probably wear it out unless the neckline of the sweater is very high. For a dress shirt I’d say keep it in, keep it dressy.”

INSIDE. Anthony from Closet Freaks.

What do I think after hearing all this? For masculine aesthetics, tucking in the collar is considered more clean-cut and formal; and I will keep that in mind for future collar tucking-decisions, but not necessarily abide by it. For more traditionally feminine styles, collars are often meant as a decorative feature and are best worn outside. Finally, there are always exceptions to every rule. Especially if you’re wearing orange pants.

So! Which do YOU prefer?

- Sonia

On Tuesday I covered my pre-thrift guidelines that will help prepare you for a successful thrift outing. As I actually thrift the majority of my wardrobe, I’ve discovered which items are reliable finds. It can be easy to feel frustrated about fit in a thrift store, because there is no universal sizing! (I know, you’re thinking… “Is there ever?!”) Sizing in thrift stores is perhaps more complicated because the clothes come from different decades, and sizes have changed over time. But don’t fear! The items I’ve listed below tend to be better stocked (in a variety of sizes/colors/patterns), more withstanding to previous long-term wear, and most likely to look good on a variety of body types.

Pencil Skirts

Usually stocked in tons of colors/sizes. They’ve been a thing throughout the decades so they’re always well stocked (and often have POCKETS). Look for 100% wool. 

My friend S, rocking out on my back stairs. Complete with recycling and pumpkins.

Velvet Pencil Skirt: $2.00 at Village Discount Outlet (Chicago, IL) 
White button down: $1.00 at a yard sale (Oberlin, OH)
Floral/Paisley Scarf: my mother’s 1970s stock of wonder.
Boots: airstreamapparel Etsy shop
Peacoat: Gap (her own; “on sale!” she says)

Short-sleeved Button Downs
Long sleeved shirts are so great, but they’re maybe my least favorite articles of clothing to shop for. If you don’t have the right shoulder/sleeve fit… they can look sloppy. Also they lose their primness after a few years. Most of the thrifty long-sleeved button-ups you’ll find are fairly worn. However! Most thrift stores have short-sleeved button-ups a-plenty. Fewer folks wear them. They’re better stocked. And more likely to fit you. 

My friend Sara

Multi-Colored Button-Up: $4.50 at Goodwill (Cambridge, MA) 

Oversized Sweaters
Need I say more? They’re meant to be cozy, baggy, and just a little goofy. Keep an eye out for cashmere, chunky knits, and handmade products. A particularly good present for a cuddler. 

Sara again, doped out on Starbursts.

Hunter Green Sweater: $3.80 at Village Discount Outlet (Chicago, IL)
Short-Sleeved Button Down: $2.00 Village Discount Outlet (Chicago, IL)
Collar Buttons (actually decorated bobby pins): Modcloth, Gift.

Overalls

Most commercial stores don’t sell overalls anymore. So if you want a pair, thrift stores are your friend. Also. If you’re somewhat small in stature (like me) try looking in the teens/kid’s section (even if you have a donk)… it’s cheaper and often carries cool patterns.

(from bluecollarcatwalk.com, modebaroque.blogspot.com, and urbanbushbabies.com)

Can overalls get any more chic? …I didn’t buy these! But! Unique Thrift in Cleveland has an entire section devoted to overalls… all under $6.00!

Vests

These buddies will last forever and ever. And they generally look better with age. Tip: if it has a clasp in the back, make sure the clasp actually works! Great for layering.

My friend S looking like a hot, queer, female Marlon Brando.

White Shirt: My 16-year-old brother’s closet.
Knit Vest: $1.50 at Unique (Chicago, IL)
Green Flannel: $0.50 at a yard sale (Oberlin, OH)
Jeans: $10.00 at Goodwill (New York, NY) (her own; woaaahhh good find!)
Boots: $12.00 at Goodwill (New York, NY)

Boots

Smaller consignment shops might have a limited selection, but large thrift stores will usually have a variety of lace-ups, rainproof, knee-high, and hiking boots. Make sure the heels are sturdy and in tact/that there are no holes in the bottom of the shoe. Don’t be deterred by ugly or scraggly laces. That’s such an easy fix.

mmmm. I love boots!

 
Dark Brown Boots: $12.00 at Goodwill (New York, NY)
Black Boots: $2.50 at Junior League Thrift House (Evanston, IL)
Tan Boots: $5.00 at Village Discount Outlet (Chicago IL)

Belts, Scarves, & Ties

Just do it. Get those silky smooth pocket squares, kerchiefs, and wrap-arounds. These make fantastic presents. Some stores have grab-bags/boxes full of scarves.

(from: dressresponsiblysj.wordpress.com)

Again, didn’t buy these beauties. I realized that I only had green scarves/ties/belts and was too embarrassed to put a collection of 12 various green shades in one picture. But they usually range from $1.00- $3.00 for scarves and $0.50- $6.00 for ties/belts where I shop.

Hope this helps. Look good, stay cozy, give gifts, and pay your rent on time! Happy snappy thrifting!

Follow Qwear: FACEBOOK | TWITTER | BLOGLOVIN | PINTEREST 

Anonymous asked: Hi Qwear, do you have any recommendations for comfortable femmey heels (especially the kind that can be worn to work)? I like how heels look but I usually find them uncomfortable if I walk around in them for too long.

Why not go to the expert, Fit For a Femme? She says:

Welcome to the fold! I am a firm believer in comfortable heels. The sight of an otherwise impeccably dressed woman hobbling around in her heels; or worse, traipsing around city streets barefoot, torture devices dangling from a manicured hand, is one of the saddest around. It’s equally important to feel at ease and proud of your appearance in the workplace so that you and your colleagues can focus on your brilliant skills and whatnot! I’ll share a few pairs from tried-and-true brands, but don’t miss my special tips at the end of the post. 


VC Signature Prunella Taupe, $250 (plus an extra 30% off with code HOLIDAY) at Vince Camuto. I can’t imagine a more femme take on the nude staple, with that metal cap-toe and the dainty stud detailing. I nearly left the brand out, but I have a pair of nude snakeskin pumps from the VC line and they are a real pleasure to wear, even on treacherous little brick lanes in Boston. Check out their Signature Prima as well, and for some holiday glitz, the velvety Verona!


Seychelles I’ll Have Another, $110 at Seychelles. I bought a pair of their insanely high platform sandals a year ago and haven’t looked back since. They’ve survived the beach, two weeks touring the UK, and endless shenanigans in SF on foot; and I never suffer for it. With plush leather linings, a thick heel, and that critical hidden .75” platform, these heels are literally built for comfort. In brown and fire engine red as well. 

Franco Sarto Cicero, $69.99 at Piperlime and Lord & Taylor. I have these in a demure red suede, and they are surprisingly cushy. They’re very easy to wear, have a subtle pin-up vibe, and the suede is much richer looking in person, believe me. They come in a range of bold shades and patterns, and would be a tremendously femme way to punch up a work outfit!
 



Adrienne Vittadini Polenta Bootie, $99.99 at Amazon. Just picture these with a sleek pencil skirt and silk pussybow blouse! The brand’s styles can definitely be hit or miss, but they also have a killer boot and patent leather penny loafer that are very on-trend. The leopard print calf-hair ankle boots I have by them are fantastic and wear well. Generally affordable and definitely worth the hunt. 

J. Crew Collection Sasha Snakeskin Pump, $375 at J.Crew. I haven’t owned a pair myself but the brand is pretty widely reviewed as carrying a very comfortable, work-friendly line of pumps and heels. Plus, everything else they make is pretty outstanding, so I feel good about recommending them. Wait for a sale to save some of that hard-earned dough, though, because they are on the expensive side. 

OK, now for those tips: 

1. Test the shoe out, whether it’s in the store or on a clean surface in your home. Never assume the shoe will “break in” or get more comfortable with wear. If it doesn’t feel good right away, it will probably only get worse. I’ve had to put down many a beguiling shoe because they didn’t pass this initial test, but you’ll be glad of it. I know I am!

2. Leather linings are a great sign that you’re looking at a potentially comfy shoe. If you want to add even more cushion (and I always recommend doing whatever’s necessary to feel and look good!), buy insoles, like these ones, or even the cheaper drugstore 3-packs should do. The heel pads especially make all the difference in the world.

3. If you’re nervous to start out with a heel, try a wedge! They give you a lot more support and you still get that leg-lengthening effect and height that traditional heels provide. Zappos has over a hundred to choose from in tons of styles and at many price points. 

Hope that helps! 

- FFAF

——

TONIGHT! (Wed, Nov 28) Ice Cream and fashion icebreakers with FFAF and myself (Sonia) at J.P. Licks in Jamaica Plain (659 Centre St) at 8 PM! RSVP on Facebook, or to meee at sonia@qwearfashion.com. Bow ties and/or comfortable heels recommended.

Anonymous asked: Hi! I have a huge bag problem, and I believe there are many out there who do too! Its so hard to find a multifunctional bag that can looks great when I wanna look more femme, but not too caught-under-the-armpit in that overly girly way. Something for someone who lies somewhere in the middle :)

I totally know some people in the same place. Here are some ideas for mid-femme bags:

Camp Director Tote, available at Modcloth for $54.99

Anna in Teal, available on Etsy for $45

Square Shape Leather Backpack - Tan Brown, available on Etsy for $150

Louche Denk Handbag, available at joythestore.com for $46.50

Farm Rucksack, available at Makr for $160

The weekender, available at Everlane for $95

Warehouse Color Block Satchel, available at ASOS for $63.32

Two tone canvas bag, available on Etsy for $39.00

Happy carrying!

- Sonia

Related posts: Holdalls, Gym Bags, and Cute Duffles; Boi Bags; Not-in-School Backpacks

Anonymous asked: I’ve seen overalls coming back more and more as a trend, but I’m not sure how to wear them stylishly. I’m also wondering how I could make them look more girly. Any suggestions?

Rae says: Forget those super baggy Old Navy overalls of your childhood; look for styles of overalls that are slimmer cut. To femme it up try wearing them with a flowy chiffon top, some fun flats, and an armload of gold bracelets.


Miss Sixty Denim Overall, available at Yoox for $98


Minkpink ‘Double Take’ Polka Dot Chiffon Shirt, available at ASOS for $78.95


Walking on Air Flat, available at Modcloth for $34.99


Spike Glee Bracelet, available at Modcloth for $21.99

Mystique the Truth Bracelet, available at Modcloth for $19.99

Couldn’t Filigree More Bracelet in Ivory available at Modcloth for $24.99

(Gosh, y’all. Rae is visionary. - Sonia)

Related Posts: Overall Awesome