I did a thing today! I went to a gay friendly wedding expo in Portland, ME representing Fourteen. I got to see our clothes for the first time, try them on, walk in a wedding fashion show, and talk to hotties. My only regret was the Holiday Inn Breakfast Buffet. OMG DON’T DO IT. 

Sorry I don’t have pictures of the fashion show. I was busy waiting back stage in a closet full of the well-dressed queers. 

Setting up our booth!

Surprise surprise! LK Weiss of Jack Tarr helped to put together the fashion show! So naturally within 5 minutes of meeting them we were in a photobooth together.

I totally have this on my fridge now.

This is serious stuff, you guys! Pay. Attention.

One mannequin I dug by our friends Joseph’s of Portland, ME

I’M GAY But ok seriously, I’m wearing Fourteen’s Silk Vest with Charmeuse Lapel and the Silk Duchess Satin Tie in Navy if you wanna go order them or anything.

Oh hay, wanna hang out tomorrow? Live in Boston? GREAT come to my shopping event at Indochino. There may be other special guests joining us as well. You’ll just have to come and find out for yourselves. 

OK LOVE YAS BYE!

Sonia Fragiscle

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Anonymous asked: I'm a "bridesmaid" in a wedding this fall. My best friend from 6th grade is the bride; we're still close but no longer BFF. She's totally down with me wearing a suit, but I'm bored with black and grey. I want to match the color of the bridesmaids dresses: bright orange, pink and blue (poppy, azalea, and cobalt, shall we say?) Any leads on where a teensy queermo can find a bright colored suit with menswear tailoring that doesn't look like something a career girl would wear to the office? Thanks!

Topman has amazing suit colors and their sizes will fit all the tiny queermos! - Sonia

Teal Cotton Skinny Suit, at Topman for $400

Last Tuesday night, March 26th, at 8pm CST, dapperQ contributor Joelle Zigman and I did a special one-off edition of the KVRX (student-run radio from the University of Texas at Austin) advice talk show, Tell it to a Girl, called Tell it to a Butch. We answer questions about engagement rings, what to wear to prom, coming out to your mother, and how to do animal prints right. Conclusion? Butches make everrrrything better. Disclaimer: every time I pause it’s because I’m looking for an alternative word to “faggy.” Thanks so much for having me, Joelle! 

Additionally, our Three Leaves Menswear videoshoot last Sunday in Brooklyn went really well! Here are some behind-the-scenes photo with me, our tailoring consultant The Handsome Butch, and Katrina Casiño (Autostraddle writer). Many thanks to dapperQ for setting it up! My favorite part of the day was tripping and falling into THB’s arms. (Wait, day? My favorite part of this whole week.) 

This is my “I’m not completely dying of joy being next to you right now,” pose.

I have some more updates coming your way soon, so stay tuned!

Yours,

Sonia Pretend-Butch Oram

While scoping out wedding pics for my Pinterest board, I was reminded of how many couples still put their bridal party in the same dress. So woooahhh let’s cut that out, kay? Seriously, knock it off. Your friends will thank you for it.

(source: southboundbride.com/mismatched-groomsmen)

But having all my bridesmaids in the same dress looks supes cute, right??

Okay, maybe if they are actually clones. Otherwise, the practice is exclusionary of any gender identity that lies outside the male/female binary. Even if none of the people in your party are gender non-conforming, it sends a message that your other gender nonconforming friends wouldn’t be welcome in your wedding party. The practice is very alienating to the queer community. Even if NO ONE at your wedding is queer (which, I doubt) it’s still encouraging the idea that gender is only male/female. 

Having people wear different outfits isn’t just beneficial to those who are gender nonconforming. It helps people of different body types, taste, budgets, and preferences for their attire. It’s allowing your friends and family to rejoice with you in the way they feel most comfortable. It’s celebrating the beautiful differences among us, rather than trying to force people into boxes to fit your idea of the “perfect” wedding. 

(source: bellethemagazine.com)

You love your friends because they are all beautifully unique, not because they can all fit into the same dress!

But this is my day! Can’t my friends be uncomfortable for one day to make me happy?

Not really. Asking your best friend to make a toast even though he’s nervous about public speaking, or your busy sister to help with the flower arrangements is one thing. Asking them to wear an outfit that goes against their core sense of self or makes them extremely uncomfortable is another.

(source: flickr.com)

But if they’re not wearing the same outfit, how are they going to match?

OMGGGG you’re so right!! The whole thing is going to be a mess. But wait! There are other ways to make a bunch of outfits look good together. If One Direction can do it, so can you. Choose a color scheme and/or style, and have people dress accordingly. Here is a great article about Mismatched Bridesmaids.

(source: bellethemagazine.com)

Okay, but what will my grandmother say?

It can be hard to go to a wedding that’s different from the one you’d been dreaming of for 80 years (or at least, I would imagine so.) Just sit Grandma down, and tell her that you love all your friends, and want to celebrate their differences rather than force them into a potentially uncomfortable situation.  If she’s still upset, tell her that it will make you and your boo the most happy. And she’ll probably want that for you. 

Plus, mismatched wedding parties are so in, right now! It’s like, THE NEWEST TREND to be respectful of your friends’ individuality and identities. Isn’t that awesome??

xoxo,

Sonia

Getting a custom shirt takes a bit of extra effort — but after my successful go of it with Ratio Clothing, I wanted to see what other companies were up to. So I got in touch with Blank Label and they sent me a sample to share with all of you! I found the shirt to have a very masculine fit, so I recommend this for all masculine-of-center folk out there. The shoulders have a broadening cut, which will help minimize your chest (if you have one) and create an overall more masculine shape. 

Single ply 100s thread count for 85$? Woahhh.

Blank Label has a pretty awesome array of fabrics and patterns — colorful, yet understated. I needed a white dress shirt, so I ordered Charlie Dunst: solid white twill weave with mini point collar. The fabric quality lives goes beyond any expectations for an $85 shirt. Single ply 100s thread count; a $220 value at most tailors. The weave of the fabric is probably my favorite part about the shirt. They let you customize pretty much everything about the shirt, so you can choose from 10 collar options, none of which are too extreme for any face, and some quite unique. Why not try a club collar? You can also choose length based on whether you plan on wearing it tucked or untucked; If you plan on wearing it formally, I highly recommend the tucked option so you don’t have to worry about it coming out. 

How to measure:

If I was doing this again, I’d absolutely send them measurements of my favorite shirt rather than measurements of myself. Why? It’s easier to screw up measurements of yourself. Even if you get them taken professionally, it is still then up to Blank Label to decide how to best cut the shirt. And if you are trying to use a shirt to create a different look for your body, this can get even more complicated. Even aside from female curve issues, some people prefer a looser fit to a closer fit. Luckily, Blank Label provides a  guide for measuring a shirt. It takes about 20 minutes. Even if you have a shirt that fits pretty well, you can guess on adjustments needed with the measurements you send. (e.g. you have a boy’s shirt that fits perfectly except for arm length.) If you fall in-between sizes, always size up. Or if you don’t mind giving up your favorite shirt for a little while and you live in the US, you can send it to them and have them measure it! Free of charge.

Then email them (sayhi@blanklabel.com) just to say hey, I want a men’s shirt:

If they think you are female, they will add feminine tailoring elements, so it’s best to specify what you need:

• If you would like the shirt to come out a little bit at the hips from the side seam, tell them! If you have wide hips, a bit of this can be good. It won’t look too feminine if it’s just an inch or two.
• Tell them you don’t want chest darts.
• They also don’t offer an option for a center box pleat on the back. Back pleats are a common occurrence on men’s shirts, and help with shape so that there is less bunching in front. I recommend requesting this in your email as well, unless you really dig the look of the no-pleat back (see below!)

Need more help? Email me!

If you want a queer to discuss fit with before making the order, feel free to email me at sonia@qwearfashion.com and I’d be happy to help!

I totally recommend them to anyone who wants a masculine shirt for a fancy occasion. Their prices and customization options are unbeatable.

xoxo,

Sonia

A Bicycle Built For Two is one of my new of my new favorite sources for queer formal wear inspiration! A beautiful display of carefully picked lesbian and queer wedding photos. I was scrolling the other day and found this dashing couple, AnnMarie & Anne:

Obvi I had to get in touch with them and ask them about their outfits.

AnnMarie (suit, bow tie) told me, “I knew what I wanted to look like on my wedding day from the time I was little. I am obsessed with English styled suiting from the mid century. I am also equally obsessed with classic menswear. I wanted my look to be dapper and polished and really show my personality. I was born a 67 year old man and I really wanted that to show through.” She wound up with this amazing vintage, bespoke suit made in 1967, from the Etsy shop, Brightwall, and then she got it tailored. 

Anne told me that she prefers simple dresses, and had surprising luck at David’s Bridal! ”I wanted a dress, but I hate shiny fabric, beads, sparkles… Basically most wedding gowns. They just aren’t me. I wanted simple and clean. I found a lot of beautiful vintage dresses that were all too teeny tiny, so against my instincts, we checked out David’s Bridal. And we found the dress! It’s shantung, which is more matte, and structured (learn something new every day). And it has pockets!! Overall I wanted to feel like myself, and for me that means simple and classic, but with fun details.”

AnnMarie:
Suit: Etsy shop, Brightwall + tailoring
Tie and Pocket Square: Custom made through Etsy shop Divinedomestication.
Vest, Suspenders and Socks: Men’s Wearhouse + tailoring
Shirt: Blank Label
Shoes: Calvin Klein Men’s Felix Oxford, bought on Amazon. 
Hat: Sugarcube in Philly

Anne:
Dress: David’s Bridal
Shoes: Etsy shop, Walkinonair
Hair comb: Anastasia’s Antiques in Philadelphia
Pearls: AnnMarie’s grandmother’s
Watch: Anne’s grandmother’s

(Photography by Philadelphia Wedding Photographer, Mike Allebach of Allebach Photography)

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I hadn’t heard of Fourteen until I ran into long-time Boston Dyke March organizer, Christine Hurley and got to talking about my Passion for Fashion (happens within 3 to 5 seconds.) She introduced me to this new queer wedding attire company, founded by lesbian/queer wedding planner Bernadette Smith. And now after getting the chance to talk with Bernadette and Fourteen fashion designer Marialexandra myself, I’ve become wildly impressed with their efforts to combine creativity and craftwomanship to fill the gaping holes in the world of lesbian and FAAB gender non-conforming formal wear.

There are several queer clothing companies out there now making their mark (Marimacho, The Butch Clothing Company, Saint Harridan, and Androgyny; among others) and each one has their unique offerings. But unlike many of these companies, Fourteen also designs for mid-spectrum folks looking for non-dress options that still embrace their curves. By offering 2 fits options: Standard fit and Boy fit, Fourteen serves a wide range of gender presentations. And each separate is very versatile in terms of how you choose to wear it. Wouldn’t this velvet jacket look also amazing with a billowy blouse?

Velvet Jacket, $414 

The team got a head start on research through Bernadette’s years of work as a wedding planner. When they started Fourteen, they conducted many focus groups to ensure satisfying everyone’s needs when it came to fit, style, and varying body types. Marialexandra observed people putting on the clothes to get a sense of how their previous clothing had fallen short of their needs. Most of us, when putting on ill-fitted shirts, tug things here and there to get them to fit right. When the participants tried on Fourteen’s clothes, all their fit problems went away for the first time. (woah, imagine if you didn’t have to tug your shirt down to get it to fit over your hips properly!) Fourteen aims to create well-fitted garments for the whole range of bodies, including those who bind and pack or are post-op.

Solid colored silk shantung bow tie, $64

Available now on their website are a velvet jacket and a Sateen jacket with pockets, each in several classic colors; six vests (one of them has sequins inside!), 2 dress shirts in 2 lengths for untucked and tucked wearing; 3 pants; and 9 pieces of neckwear made to match the garments, available in several sizes to accommodate those with smaller necks and shorter torsos. The designs are edgy, creative, and vintage inspired. It’s clear that designer Marialexandra has a talent for understanding what queers need and want in their formal garments.

One specialty Marialexandra told me about was hidden chest darts. For the boy fit, Fourteen is keeping the sides straight up and down, and using hidden chest darts to leave room in the chest area. This technique is very uncommon, and something none of us have seen on off-the-rack clothing. (Chances are The Butch Clothing Company uses them too, but Shaz won’t give away her secrets!)

As Fourteen continues to get off the ground, they will release more clothing outside of formal wear! Marialexandra is already working on several designs for underwear, binders, and swimwear! All available in about 6 months. And further down the line; maternity clothes! Can’t wait to get my hands on some of these. 

Like Fourteen on Facebook for the chance to win one of their reversible silk ties! And, make sure to add them on Twitter and Pinterest to keep up with everything this amazing company is doing!

(Photo cred: Patty Nash Photography)

Anonymous asked: I need to go to a wedding in a month and my mother won't let me wear anything except a dress. Dresses make me feel very uncomfortable to the point where I'm in tears. They are all just too feminine but I know I probably should wear a dress to this, so I will. Do you have any ideas of anything more adrogynous or something I'd be more comfortable in for this wedding? Thanks. And btw this blog is my favourite right now.

Missy says: So, I’ll be honest with you. When people who are uncomfortable wearing dresses are forced to wear dresses to weddings, it either fills me with rage or tears… depending on what day it is. I have very strong feelings about it. And I’m someone who wears dresses. I’m wearing one right now, in fact (the polka dot H&M one). As someone who wears dresses, I feel very strongly about your right to not wear a dress and I think it is rude for people to expect people who feel uncomfortable wearing dresses to wear one to a wedding. I imagine there’s a lot you and your mom need to work out in this department. If you live at home right now and are financially dependent on your parents (which is totes fine) you will have to navigate this situation safely and keep your sanity. If right now is not a good time for you to explain how this makes you feel and if she’s not going to hear you or understand, there are some other options.