Holiday Outfits That Navigate Queerness, Family, and Stigma
How do you navigate gender stereotypes at the holidays without being rejected by your family?
When your family is struggling to recognize your identity, a carefully-curated wardrobe can help affirm your gender identity and/or sexual identity while also keeping you safe from rejection and stressors which can often lead to mental or physical symptoms.
The family units we came from can exist within or adjacent to the cis patriarchy, and these patriarchal stereotypes often dictate how family members choose to regulate your visual expression. Sometimes, when words and visual cues fail to help them understand who we are and we feel threatened or at risk, translanguaging is a necessity. Translanguaging is when a person is forced to deprive themselves of an act or visual reliance that the otherwise majority does not have to sacrifice. Think of camouflage.
For this article we are exploring the modes of visual expression people use to navigate this stigma. There are many different techniques queer people use to combat the stereotypes they face around their family of origin.
Some people choose the shock value as a distractor from possible rejection. If you dress above and beyond the occasion, giving a glitz and glam feel to your outfit, people can fawn over your statement pieces rather than comment on your gender expression. Sequins, bright colors, statement pieces, and dressing above the occasion, offers a distracting dialogue for the family. Sequins, acting as thousands of mirrors covering your body; can be the literal deflector of all deflectors when faced by people who need to look inward.
You can also use your fashion to give visual cues about your gender identity by dressing in a more subtly transgressive way. This can be done through body movements and verbal statements that feminize or masculinize pieces. (The floral shirt becomes gay when the twink throws his hands in the air in an exaggerated manner.) Sometimes, a piece of clothing doesn’t defy a gender stereotype until you put it on and perform your queerness. Wearing pieces that rely on performative gestures allow you the freedom to express yourself in safer moments while avoiding hostile encounters.
Patterns can help introduce new ideas about who you are and can help narrate a dialogue through fashion. They can defy your family’s past assumptions and help to drop those hints that you are not interested in being regulated. Never underestimate the power of an accessory. And if you’re feeling shy, just wear one earring or hide it behind a wisp of hair.
Shoes can be a big hint, and you can leave them at the door. From heels with suits to sneakers with dresses, you can make a strong statement upon entrance and then step back to observe the reaction. In some cases, the strict gender binaries that are enforced by family members only allow for a fleeting change from the acceptable visual code of conduct.
We’ve put together some outfit ideas for the holidays from LGBTQIA+ people around the world. No matter what, make sure you don’t sacrifice your physical or mental health for the betterment of your loved ones. Each family requires a different approach when addressing gender identity so some of these suggestions may not work for everyone. Most importantly, your gender and sexual identity are not up for negotiation. It is who you are.
Tafi (@Tafiyou)
“This outfit exemplifies my genderqueer energy by allowing me to stand firmly outside of the lines once used to limit my self-expression. Throw on some 1.5" platform/5" heel leather boots, and command any room (I'm 6'2").” — Tafi (@Tafiyou)
Tafi is wearing:
Eyewear: CORGI frame - l.a. Eyeworks
Bag: Kendrick Trunk - Black Daisy - Brandon Blackwood New York
Top: ASOS DESIGN
Bouclé Coat: Zara
Pants: Men Stretch Selvedge Slim-Fit Jeans - Uniqlo
Shoes: The AMI - Syro Femme Footwear 4 Everyone
Heather Johnson AKA Heather Boa (@heatherajohnson_)
“I love this outfit because it represents my personal progression over the last year, both in terms of my sewing skills and my journey with unapologetically embracing who I am!” — Heather Johnson AKA Heather Boa (@heatherajohnson_)
Heather is wearing:
Choker: dailydealuk on ebay
Eyelet belt: ASOS
The rest of the outfit was self-made
Zenobia "JpegZen" Philippe (@jpeg.zen)
“I enjoy this outfit because I feel like it equally expresses my balance between masculine and feminine energy as well as being comfortable in it as it is warmer than it looks, which is perfect for winter.” — Zenobia "JpegZen" Philippe (@jpeg.zen)
Zenobia is wearing:
Blazer: Tahari
Shoes: Urban Outfitters
Shirt: Buffalo Exchange
Pants: Macy's
Lilly Rose @thefatposipunk
“‘That jacket makes you look like a man’ is something I heard all the time when I was younger, but what people didn't know back then was that 1: I was not a woman so loved how masculine jackets made me feel but also 2: It doesn't matter what other people think of what I wear as long as I am comfortable.” — Lilly Rose (@thefatposipunk)
Lilly is wearing:
Leather jacket: Dia and Co
Dress: Dia and Co
ALXTHEGREAT (@alxthegreatone)
Singer / Songwriter ALXTHEGREAT had a fabulous idea to wrap a long scarf around his head in lieu of longer hair:
“I absolutely love this outfit because it exudes who I am and my newfound confidence in a million. The scarf has to be my most favorite accessory because it can be styled up in so many different ways. Fun fact, I've been having this scarf since high school so it was definitely a full-circle moment when I came up with this look. Clothing should help you make a statement, so have fun and play by your own rules! It's not what you wear, but how you wear it.” — ALXTHEGREAT (@alxthegreatone)
ALXTHEGREAT is wearing:
Scarf: Carbon 21
Earrings: Buffalo Exchange
Nose Cuffs: Gem Goddess Collection
Rings: Buffalo Buffalo Exchange
Necklace Chains: Buffalo Exchange
Shirt: ASOS
Blazer: ASOS
Jeans: Fashionova Men
Shoes: ASOS
Dee Thomas (@thedeeprj)
“Being bald, I really love going full femme. In some ways my lack of hair just makes the femme flow. I am always about shoes and the holidays are always full of opportunities to be extra — metallics, patent leather, reds... and no matter how chilly it gets I am always ready to show off my holiday pedi. Sequins is also a holiday favorite for me. It's fun to sparkle and shine. Plus I love how my body is both highlighted and complemented by feminine styles — the more girly the better.” — Dee Thomas (@thedeeprj)
Dee is wearing:
Leather Headband: Socielle Pittsburgh
Leather jacket: Macy's originally, second hand from Kindred Spirits Boutique Pittsburgh
Sequins Dress: Vintage Grace Boutique Pittsburgh
Gold T-Strap Stiletto Heels: International Concepts from Macy's
Omega (@styledbyomega)
Shot by Alexander Le'Jo
“Before I came out I would have never carried a bag/purse or wore platform shoes. This outfit helps me express myself in a way that I could’ve never done before. I feel more liberated than I’ve felt in a very long time, I’m more proud of who I am when I style myself in this manner and I’m definitely more self-assured.” — Omega (@styledbyomega)
Omega is wearing:
Top and Bottom set: Zara
Eyewear: Circulr
Watch: Apple
Bag: Zara
Shoes: Adidas X IVYPARK
Azzy Cosgrove (@wheelyboy_az)
“My uniform for Christmas in Australia is a drop-arm muscle tank; firstly, because December is bloody hot here, and secondly because I can make those random conservative relatives uncomfortable by showing off my top surgery scars!” —Azzy Cosgrove (@wheelyboy_az)
Azzy is wearing:
Mark Santiago (@marksantiago__)
“As a queer person, fashion gives me an outlet to play with the masculine and feminine sides of my identity, and with this outfit, I can meld the two into one look.” — Mark Santiago (@marksantiago__)
Mark is wearing:
Garments from The Vault by Volpe Beringer
Gown: Oscar de la Renta
Blazer: DKNY
Bag: Chanel
Diandra Marie (@ItsDiandraMarie)
“Being able to blend casual and chic speaks to the natural fluidity of my Queer identity.” — Diandra Marie (@ItsDiandraMarie)
Diandra is wearing:
Blazer: Zara
Hoodie: Oh, Black Woman
Pants: Michael Kors (thrifted)
Sneakers: Adidas (thrifted)
Rings: Icing
Scarf: Homemade
Paul (@practicallyperfectpaul)
“As a queer man, I have found great strength in deconstructing gender roles and clothing. The combination of wearing a skirt with heeled boots is empowering.” — Paul (@practicallyperfectpaul)
Paul is wearing:
Shirt: Forever 21
Skirt: Thrifted
Boots: Amazon
Jordan Daniels (@johodaniels)
“I love this outfit because I feel like it highlights the balance of my masc and femme presentation. I think I present more masc because of my body, and I love wearing femme fashion to complement it.” —Jordan Daniels (@johodaniels)
Jordan is wearing:
Two-piece suit: Eloquiii, purchased from the Plus Bus Boutique in Los Angeles
Shoes: The AMI - Syro Femme Footwear 4 Everyone
Vincy Chan (@chanwanvincy)
“The outfit brings a bit of holiday cheer that mixes masc and femme elements in my closet. Lunar New Year is the next big holiday so I’ve opted for a soft red and gold (lucky colors in Chinese culture!) cut crease look.” — Vincy Chan (@chanwanvincy)
Vincy is wearing:
Red plaid blazer: Thrifted)
Tiger eye pendant: Local jeweler
Fitted black dress: Zara
Green convertible clutch/ shoulder bag: Tory Burch
Kitten heels: Salvatore Ferragamo
The3rrd (@the3rrd)
“My outfit is a conglomerate of textures that will spice up any holiday gathering! The outfit starts with a snakeskin mesh shirt layered with a FUBU denim tube dress, both of which were found at the same thrift store. I detailed the outfit with some gold waist chains and gold fringe earrings to add some drip, but I’d also add gold nail tips for more drama. The fit is topped with a faux chinchilla coat and thigh-high black boots to give a “rich auntie” vibe!
My favorite part of this look is the unlikely pairing of the snakeskin print and fur that gives an earthy element to the outfit. This look is extra in all the right ways and will definitely turn heads at any holiday dinner.” — The3rrd (@the3rrd)
The3rrd is wearing:
Snakeskin mesh shirt: Thrifted
Denim tube dress: FUBU, thrifted
Boots: OnlyMakers
Earrings: Vintage thrift find
Waist chains: Pretty Little Thing
