Loving Your Body Through Physical Distancing
By Elizabeth Kingfield
Qwear invited queer psychotherapist Elizabeth Kingfield to give some tips on loving yourself through physical distancing. Dr. Elizabeth Kingfield (she/her/hers) is a licensed psychologist who specializes in feminist/multicultural therapy. She provides outpatient therapy to the LGBTQ+ community at Emerge Wellness in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
There’s no way around it: Coronavirus is here to stay, and it’s disrupting everyone’s lives. The recommended precaution to slow the spread of the disease is “social distancing,” though my colleague TJ Walsh suggests that this is a misnomer. Social distancing implies social disconnection, but social connection remains essential to our mental and physical health. Let’s call it “physical distancing” instead and nurture our connections with others though virtual communication.
That being said, this may be a very difficult time for you if you’re someone who thrives from connection with others.
If you are in crisis, are feeling large bouts of despair, are thinking of self-harming, or are feeling suicidal, reach out to someone. Call a friend, a family member, therapist, or call a free hotline like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). The Trevor Project is here for LGBTQIA+ youth (1-866-488-7386). If you are at risk of intimate partner violence, you can call The Network/La Red’s 24-hour bilingual hotline (-800-832-1901). You do not have to go through this alone.
If you think you have symptoms of coronavirus, call your doctor or a community health center if you don’t have a doctor. Follow the advice of medical professionals as to whether or not you should go to the emergency room.
Finding new ways to love your body can really help with your mental health during this time. Here is a short list of ways to love your body even while you are staying at home.
1. Try some yoga. Yoga and other mindful movement can help you connect with your body in a nonjudgmental way. I love this 8 minute video from Jessamyn Stanley.
2. If you are panicking or dissociating, it can be helpful to try grounding techniques.
3. My hands are so clean but so dry. Try massaging lotion into your hands and wrists to give yourself some loving, kind touch.
4. Keep feeding yourself. (Need food? Feeding America can help.) Eat what you have in your house and what feels good. Check out this link on Autostraddle for tips for cooking in quarantine.
5. Have a dinner party with a friend! Cook a meal together over video chat and eat it. Check out recipes from Bon Appetit. Too burned out to cook? Check out these tips for easy meals when you are depressed.
6. There’s lots of talk on social media about “taking advantage” of this time to “improve” your body through exercise or dieting. This can be really triggering for people with eating disorders or dysphoria. Try to stay grounded with these body affirmations for physical distancing.
7. Are you struggling with self-criticism? Try cultivating self-compassion with resources from self-compassion.org. I love the Self Compassion Break, available as a meditation.
8. If you struggle with dysphoria, try doing strengthening exercises at home. When you work out you become aware of your muscles, bones, joints, and all the wonderful parts of you that don’t have a gender. (Thanks Sonny!)
9. Dress up and do a photoshoot! Try some new makeup looks, or try things on that you haven’t worn in forever. Don’t forget to tag your looks #Qwear on social media.
10. Try to keep a regular sleep schedule. Is anyone else slowly shifting to nocturnal? What day is it? What time is it? Consider setting a regular alarm for going to bed and waking up. But most importantly, just sleep. This is not the time to be perfectionistic about your sleep. Strive for good enough.
11. Take your meds on time! Your schedule is probably out of whack now, so set a reminder for yourself to take your meds at the same time every day.
12. It’s ok to ask for help from a professional. More and more therapists are adapting to this time by offering telehealth services. Here are some resources for finding a queer-affirming, health at every size providers in your state:
For LGBTQ affirming therapists, try the provider directory from the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association.
For therapists committed to social justice, try Therapy Den.
For therapists committed to health at every size practice, try HAES Community.
For subsidized therapy for sex workers, try the Red Umbrella Fund.
For low-cost therapy, try the Open Path Collective.
You’re not alone out there. We will get through this together.
Cover photo by How-Soon Ngu.
