Look at Me Part 2: In Search of Alternate Beauty

Look at Me is an ongoing documentary project about striking New York City nightlife personalities, how they evolved into their distinctive looks and their journeys in the pursuit of beauty. (See part one).

In part two we are exploring the concept of personal spectacle. We define personal spectacle as a type of performance art that does not entail anything resembling a traditional show on a stage in front of an audience. Instead, the individual’s transformation is the artistic statement and the resulting spectacle is the performance, which begins the moment the individual leaves the house. Many of our subjects perform on stages, but not all. They might not consider themselves artists, even though what they are doing requires considerable creativity. The common denominator is that they command attention. That’s the magic of personal spectacle.

Personal spectacle is also an act of defiance. In his 2018 book “Fabulous: The rise of the beautiful eccentric,” the sociologist Madison Moore wrote that dressing up is “about making a spectacle of yourself not merely to be seen but because your body is constantly suppressed and undervalued.” Through many of our interviews, we’ve heard stories about feeling oppressed or devalued. In two of the following excerpts, our subjects describe how personal spectacle helped them overcome these negative experiences.

Villain Edit

Villain Edit was inspired to dress up after seeing videos of the 1990s New York club kids on YouTube as a teen. Dressing up then became a balm for adolescent pain.

“I was always made fun of and relentlessly bullied in high school for both being chubby and rather feminine. I started dressing up because…it was a way to make myself feel beautiful or make myself look beautiful when I didn't actually feel really cool or beautiful or handsome or sexy or whatever on the inside,” said Villain, a San Diego native.

Villain, 26, is a paralegal by day and a party host by night, though his life plan didn’t initially include hosting parties. He moved to New York City on a whim. Around the same time, his immigrant parents left San Diego and returned to Asia.

Serving looks has given Villain a sense of community and support that he didn’t experience as a teen.

“I never felt like I had a solid group or I never even felt like I had a solid family….I remember a conversation with my mom when we were driving home one day and basically she went on this rant about how she wasn't really supportive of the LGBT community or gay marriage,” said Villain. “From that point…I…decided to distance myself from my parents and my family just because it was easier to keep the peace and just not really even talk about anything.”

Danny Blu

Most men can’t say that their mother bought them their first pair of high heels.

Danny Blu’s first pumps came from the former DV8 on 18th Street and Sixth Avenue in New York City, and that purchase wasn’t his only milestone with mom.

“She took me to Trash and Vaudeville for my first time. She took me to Search and Destroy for my first time.”

Danny, 30, said his parents always supported his choices.

“In eighth grade when I chose to wear Tripp pants and Marilyn Manson T-shirts to church, that was who I was and those were the clothes they would help me buy and pick out. They never felt a certain way about it.”

Danny is the lead singer for the band Echo Black. The rock group formed in 2015 and has released one album and six music videos, which are all infused with Danny’s style. The shaved eyebrows, make-up, tattoos, and clothes, are about finding beauty in darkness.

“It’s not like I’m trying to get out inner demons…most of the time it’s because I find these dark, interesting things beautiful and fascinating and thought-provoking.”

Danny put away his goth style when he pursued acting, but after he stopped caring what his acting teachers thought, he started attending some of New York’s flashier parties. His gender-blurring is full-time and it extends to his daytime appearance and bartending.

“I happen to wear a lot of black eyeliner and a lot of eye shadow, but that’s how I feel that I represent myself the best to everyone else and that’s how I want people to look at me. I don’t know if it’s as much a political statement or that I’m trying to blur gender lines or whatever, but I think this is how I feel what’s inside is expressed outwardly the best.”

See interview with Danny:

Glow Job

Glow Job majored in journalism at New York University and devoted all their extracurricular activities to theater and film. Then they listened to negative voices.

“I shelved it because I had a terrible boyfriend. He told me not to do it. And so I listen to him amongst, you know, societal pressures of like being Asian and gay….That’s not something I should be getting into,” said Glow, 38.

That decision left Glow unhappy, and by 2019 Glow quit a day job in video production to become more fulfilled creatively and spiritually.

“I realized I was dying inside, essentially. And so I don't really know what my future holds, but all I know is that I need to be creating things. I need to be artistic. I need to be performing.”

So Glow, who lives in Sunnyside, Queens, signed up for circus training, landed gigs at the House of Yes and began a reinvention.

Circus training is part of Glow’s fresh start.

“It doesn't necessarily have to be tumbling and splits and all that stuff. If I can figure a way to just make a visually stimulating performance and tell a story. You can do that at any age really and be in the circus.”

Since quitting the day job, Glow hasn’t followed any particular life plan, other than scoring every gig possible and applying to the TV show “Survivor.”

“I just follow my heart because I think that's just the best way to live your life.”