This is What Asexual Looks Like Part 6: In Celebration of Ace Week 2020
As you may know by now, I'm Yasmin Benoit, a British model, aromantic-asexuality activist, and the creator of the #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike campaign. The campaign began with the inception of this series, which I started in the hopes that I could use my platform — and Qwear's platform — to amplify the voices of other asexual people. I wanted to give the agency back to asexual people so that they could represent themselves, and show that there is no asexual way to look or dress. Through this series and the hashtag that has become so much more than that, we can increase asexual visibility, illustrate our diversity and dispel misconceptions about our community. We can also enjoy some aesthetically pleasing insight into ace people from all over the world.
Yasmin Benoit
This article is being released in celebration of this year's Ace Week (formerly known as Asexual Awareness Week), which took place from the 25th to the 31st of October. Founded in 2010 by Sara Beth Brooks, Ace Week is an international campaign dedicated to raising awareness and expanding education of asexuality.
In the meantime, allow me to introduce to you some amazing aces that I had the pleasure of encountering through social media!
Leo Oliveira
Leo (@oliverleonlop) is someone whose Instagram I've had my eye on for a while. Leo is a 23-year old student from Brazil, studying an MBA program in logistics. Leo discovered the ace community almost four years ago and Leo said it "changed my life completely." Now Leo identifying as panromantic-asexual, and after beginning to question their gender identity, they began to identify as agender too. Leo said, "I was feeling weird with being a ‘man,’ since I was pretty much off of the pattern of what they say a man ‘should be.’ So I've found myself at ease when I've crossed the agender label."
Elisa & Emilie
Elisa (@loveinyourwords) and Emilie (@ahiddenflower) are 19-year-old twins from France who graced my presence on Twitter. The moment I saw them, I knew I had to include them in this series (and not just because I had twins in the last article too!) Both twins identify as panromantic and nonbinary, and have also described their shared passion for, "Creating not only pieces of art such as drawings, paintings and poems but also a safe space, boundaries, a future that could be bright and hopeful for us."
We end up internalizing a lot of self-hatred, and the first thing that brought us comfort into our asexual journey was the hashtag #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike
— Elisa & Emilie
Follow on Tiktok: @seelietwins
Mars
I first came across Mars (@Cosmicnoir) thanks to a documentary that I shot a few years ago, which showed Mars using the #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike hashtag. I'm always delighted to see fellow Black aces being their empowered true selves and I'm eager for them to be represented equally, so I was excited to get Mars for this article. Mars identifies as demisexual and panromantic, and is an Accessioning Specialist for an Advanced Genetic Research company in New York, noting, "it's a fancy way of saying I play with blood all day." Mars was born in Jersey and raised in a Cajun-Creole/West Indian home. When not playing with blood, Mars is part of a gaming/cosplay collective called Glitch Vybez — content creators who do skits, reviews, and play video games.
I felt like an imposter in my own skin, because I had felt this way all my life and didn't think it was possible to be a Black Ace.
— Mars
"I knew at 24 I was ace through research, but didn't know where on the spectrum I fell. I felt like an imposter in my own skin, because I had felt this way all my life and didn't think it was possible to be a Black Ace. I told myself I wouldn't compromise my spirit for something meaningless. I didn't need to be with anyone, but I crave a level of companionship. I wanted a life I could share with someone truthfully and honestly. If I couldn't, it would also be okay. The biggest thing that helped me was finding other POC ace folks and sharing our stories. It was mind boggling how different we all were, but a breath of fresh air how we all had similar experiences. I didn't feel alone anymore. So now at 30, I am much more comfortable with saying I am Demisexual and Panromantic with my full chest. I'm proud to be ace."
Vipasha
While a lot of South Asian cultures see sex and discussions about sex as taboo, I've noticed an increasing amount of ace activism and awareness coming from South Asian countries, particularly India and the Indian diaspora. So I was eager to interview Vipasha, who is an Indian-American biromantic asexual woman who is the co-founder of a Acey Desi, an amazing space for ace South Asians that I found on Instagram.
Not allowed to date growing up, Vipasha (@vipped.cream) didn't discover her asexuality until a couple of years ago while at university, but because she didn't want her sexuality to become all that she was, she didn't learn about the intricacies until this year. Vipasha said "This had negative effects on my relationships (romantic and platonic), and on my mental health. This year I met a group of South Asian asexuals who inspired me to learn more. Recently, a lot of my growth has been through Acey Desi, an amazing group of people who have taught me so much about the intersection of asexuality, race, and gender. They remind me that my journey is valid and important. My sexuality still does not define every part of me, but I do understand it better, and this has significantly improved my relationships and mental health."
Makeup is a powerful tool that allows me to stretch the bounds of Indian traditionality and American professionalism.
Victor
Victor Hugo (@victorhsteixeira) is probably best known for appearing on popular TV series Big Brother Brasil 20 on TV Globo, which gave the asexual community mainstream visibility in Brazil. At only 26-years-old, Victor is probably one of Brazil's most famous asexuals. He was born in the Amazon region of Brazil, where he acquired a degree in Psychology and Languages and a Master's Degree in Public Health from the University of São Paulo (USP).
Michelle
Michelle Lin 林靖 (all pronouns/她) (@michellinman) is an Instagram and Tik-Tok favorite, as well as a rising intersectional asexuality activist to keep an eye on. A Chinese-American student at UC Berkeley, Michelle grew up in Detriot and currently lives in Southern California. Michelle identities as panromantic asexual, and created a safe space for aspec people on campus called the Cal Ace Space, and is also a talented choreographer, dancer, and pianist (check out their Tik Tok)!
The kind of invisibility I’ve always experienced as a Chinese American is very similar to that of asexuality. These parts of me are all intrinsically connected.
— Michelle
Ashabi:
Ashabi Owagboriaye (@ashabi.owa) is a Nigerian-American artist (model/photographer), activist, organizer and student from Chicago who identifies as asexual/queer, androgynous leaning and "not really interested in romance right now."
We both take a similar approach to our activism and in the way we express our asexuality, which was one of the reasons why I was so eager to interview Ashabi for this series (as well as the fact that their style is fantastic.)
I've always had people I've entered relationships with oversexualize my Black femininity and invalidate my identity me because their idea of me (adopted by the stereotype & hypersexualization of Black women from birth) didn't align with my lived experience.
— Ashabi