Qweary: How Can I Dress Bisexual Without Being Teased? With Desmond Napoles
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for sticking with us while we haven’t been publishing regularly. I got Covid and it lasted 3 months. I fell behind on Qwear and other obligations and have been slowly catching up. I’m excited to start publishing again. If you would like to share your voice on Qwear, please submit here! We would love to hear from you.
Thank you for your dedication and support! Please also support us on Patreon if you can — every dollar counts. More funds means more fashion shows and the ability to pay our contributors for their work — something that is very important to us.
Today I am excited to share a Qweary we received a while ago from a sixth grade student. We asked an expert in preteen queerness: Desmond Napoles, known as Desmond is Amazing. Desmond is a multi-awarded LGBTQ+ advocate, genderfluid editorial and runway model, motivational public speaker, performer, fashion and footwear designer, actor, singer, host, social media influencer and published author. We’ve been following Desmond’s work for sometime and just love her. We are thrilled to share his response to this young person.
Much love,
Sonny
Scarlett asked: "I am in 6th grade and almost all the boys are really homophobic and like to tease and make fun of anybody in the LGBTQ+ community. As a proud bisexual, I was wondering how to dress like a bisexual, but without being really teased for it, because I already get made fun of enough. I also wouldn't mind if you have any ways that I could do my make-up to make me lookk more bisexual. (PS. last year I thought I was a lesbian, so I chopped all my hair off, but now I'm growing it out. So any outfit that goes with a female mullet-ish style would be great!)"
Dear Scarlett,
Thank you for reaching out to Qwear, and a special thanks to Qwear for passing on your letter to me. My name is Desmond Napoles, and I'm honored to have the opportunity to respond to you! It means a lot to me that you've chosen to share your experiences and concerns. I'm here to support you and offer some suggestions that might help you navigate this challenging situation.
First, it's incredibly important to remember that there is no "right" way to dress or present yourself in order to define your bisexuality. Your identity is not determined by external factors such as clothing or appearance. It's all about how you feel on the inside, the emotions and attractions that are uniquely yours. Your journey of self-expression should be guided by your own personal experiences and what makes you who most authentically who you are.
In a world that often tries to fit LGBTQ+ individuals into narrow boxes and impose expectations, especially when it comes to conforming to gender norms, it's important to embrace the beauty of your own identity. Remember that identity and orientation are complex, not simple. Give yourself the freedom to express who you are in ways that align with your inner truth and don't feel pressured by others and society. I've got some ideas that could help you feel confident without drawing unnecessary attention:
Wearing LGBTQ+ symbols like a bisexual flag patch or the bisexual symbol can be a powerful way to express who you are. But hey, we have to consider the world we live in, which unfortunately isn't always accepting. There is a lot of anti-LGBTQ+ negativity in the world right now. Your safety should always be a priority. So, I suggest feeling out the situation and wearing LGBTQ+ symbols when you feel safe and supported. Remember, it's about expressing yourself, but being safe comes first.
If you ever find yourself hesitant to wear LGBTQ+ symbols in public or around people who may not be accepting, you have the power to create your own safe space. One great way to do this is by transforming your room into a safe space sanctuary of acceptance and self-expression. Hang a bisexual flag on your wall to serve as a powerful reminder of your identity and create a space where you can be your authentic self without fear or judgment. And you can add artwork, positive quotes from or photos of LGBTQ+ activists that you admire, or any other items that make you feel connected to the LGBTQ+ community and uplifted. I like to create little mood boards and collages.
Makeup can be a fantastic way to enhance your natural features or unleash your creativity in wild and artistic ways. I love doing my makeup and find it to be really therapeutic and relaxing. It's like self-care for me. And it's all up to you and what makes you feel good! If you're interested in exploring makeup looks that align with your identity, try experimenting with colors associated with bisexuality, like pink, purple, or blue shades for your eyeshadows or lipsticks. Just remember, makeup is a personal choice, and you don't have to wear it if you don't want to. Do what feels right for you and be yourself always!
And by the way, congratulations on growing out your hair! I'm also growing out my hair but since I have such curly hair it just looks like a fluff ball right now . It's really great that you're making choices that feel authentic to who you are. If you're into the mullet-ish style, you can draw inspiration from David Bowie during the Glam Rock era in the 1970s. He wore that mullet fearlessly! Experiment with different accessories like barrettes, headbands, scarves, hats or find unique ways to style your hair that match your outfits and make you feel fabulous.You could even dye a streak in your hair in bisexual colors if you feel safe doing so. And trust me, bad hair days happen to the best of us! Just a few days ago, I was on the red carpet for an event and I had this one stubborn curl that kept sticking straight out and poking me in the eye. No matter what I did, it seemed to keep falling back into that position. With all the photographers around, I was thinking, "Oh no!" But you know what? I decided to embrace it and pretend like I meant for my hair to do that. It's all about owning your unique style and making the best out of unexpected situations. Building self-confidence and recognizing that change is inevitable, sometimes beyond our control, and adapting accordingly are really important. It's like having a fabulous shield to protect yourself!
Lastly, I want to emphasize the importance of surrounding yourself with a strong support system. Seek out friends who uplift and accept you for who you are, allies who stand by your side, and LGBTQ+ support groups where you can find understanding, knowledge, and a safe space. If there is a LGBTQ+ center where you live, see if they have any support programs or social events. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. There are people out there who genuinely appreciate and celebrate your true self, ready to embrace you unconditionally and without judgement. You are beautiful just as you are, both inside and out. Connecting with other people in the LGBTQ+ community can provide a tremendous source of encouragement and a powerful reminder that you are an integral part of a vibrant and diverse community. I've written a blog post for the It Gets Better Project (a great resource btw) on the importance of mental health that you might find useful: https://itgetsbetter.org/blog/we-need-to-prioritize-mental-health-for-lgbtq-youth/
Stay strong, keep embracing your identity with pride, and don't let anyone else define your self-worth. You are absolutely beautiful just the way you are. If you ever need someone to talk to or have more questions, please don't hesitate to reach out. You can email me at info@desmondisamazing.com.
Sending you lots of love and support,
Desmond
